I still remember when I was just a little kid myself being raised by a loving family (mother and father) in a peaceful environment. I had (and still have) no clue how I would have felt if my parents had gone their separate ways whilst I was just a little kid. Let’s say that it was the norm (in Malta) that one would live in a united family at that time.

Nowadays things have changed a bit, it became more common to have single parents raising their children in two separate environments. I am not going into the merit why this is happening (maybe we can talk about that in a separate blog post) as I would like to focus this post on the involved children and share some tips from my own experience being a stepfather.

Loving someone else’s kid is not an easy task, so please unless you are ready for this, DO NOT go into a relationship with someone with kids from a previous relationship. I still remember myself in the beginning thinking about this. I was more than willing to love the kid the same way as if it was my own, but I was concerned whether the kid will actually understand the situation and if she will be able to love me back even though I was not the biological parent.

There are days when the kids share their love with you but there are also some days when they will look at you with anger (reason could be either because they need to adapt and understand that one is not trying to take place of the biological parent or it could also due to someone trying to brainwash them to share anger). No matter what the reason is, one should understand and be ready to deal with the situation by simply sharing more love. Anger cannot be used a solution against anger as this will never solve the situation. Remember that kids are still learning and it is your responsibility as a step-parent to teach them to love no matter what as they will look at you as an example.

One must also work on building a good relationship with the kid. Sometimes it is easier for them to come to you and speak about their concerns than going to one of their parents. It’s not because they do not love or trust their parents, actually it is the opposite! They might think that they will hurt one of their parents by speaking about their feelings, so they will actually find it easier to open up with a step-parent (as long as there is a good relationship).

If you are a step-parent already or in the process of becoming one, please keep in mind that you are an amazing person as to love someone else’s child as your own is a big thing and there is no love bigger than that!

Remember always tackle anger with LOVE. Kids will know who really love them even if sometimes they find it difficult to show you.